Jots on a Tortured Poet

Obviously every man and their (black) dog has probably listened to Taylor Swift's new album, The Tortured Poets Department, by now. Here are my brief jots, thots & feelings after 2 listens

Disclaimer: I wouldn’t say I have my PHD in Taylor Swift, perhaps more a BA. (also I touched her hand once at the Red tour in 2012 because I had a #wattpad moment where they moved us to the mosh). Unrelated but I feel like that helps somehow. I don’t know all the lore and also I can’t work out an Easter egg to save myself but here we go:

Fortnight (feat. Post Malone):

• Easily one of my faves on the whole album, sets the tone well I feel

• A suggestion/hint/whisper of Post Malone 

• Almost has ABBA vibes? Imagine a tambourine

• Side note: American people don’t use the word fortnight which is crazy?? They just say “two weeks???”

• Saw a theory that as “Midnights is about 13 sleepless nights,” this one starts with the 14th sleepless night (the fortnight). Genius

The Tortured Poets Department:

• Did Charlie Puth pay for this 

• Wedding ring line sounds like a parody of Taylor Swift lyrics. A caricature if you will.

• Nothing could ever slay as hard as Ed Sheeran’s “I could do without a tan on my left hand where my fourth finger meets my knuckle” and we all know that I’m sorry

• Chocolate ref Matty Healy? Did he actually eat loads of chocolate??? or is it heroin again. Good grief

My Boy Only Breaks His Favourite Toys: 

• No real commentary here except I love the Barbie / Ken reference

Down Bad:

First Listen:

• Budget ET by Katy Perry 

• Me to Jake sully 

• (why did she even make this about aliens????)

  

  @han.fxI WANNA BE SAVEDDD #jakesully#avatar#jakesullyedit#avatar2009#fyp#foryou#viral#fypシ#avataredit#avatarthewayofwater#atwow

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Second Listen:

• Okay this is easily one of my faves now. It grew on me really fast. It feels weird to hear her say trendy phrases like “Down bad” and even “gym” in an album I definitely thought would be more quill pen vibes and that is really funny to me for some reason. The same as when she swears for no reason (like “no fucking body” in Tortured Poets Department. Unnecessary but a lol)

• FUCK IT IF I CAN’T HAVE HIM <3
  

So Long, London: 

• Really nice sound quality here 

• The start of it sounds like bells 🔔 🇬🇧

• Hearing her sing in her lower register is SO NICE she should do it all the time

• I love the wordplay of “I loved this place for so long” overlapping with “So long, London”

• As Lucy (certified swiftie) pointed out, she says “Keep calm and carry” (on) which is so hilarious. I am picturing her Googling “Common phrases in Britain” and being like ✍️ write that down write that down

But Daddy I Love Him: 

• Lol

• Adult Love Story? It feels like if she gave herself the prompt to rewrite Love Story but in 2024 and if that’s what she did I love that. She is the kind of person who would give herself a task like this for fun I think

• Religious trauma

• Would be great in a movie soundtrack. I am picturing coming of age and someone running in a field. It has Castle on a Hill energy

• I like to think the whole “I’m having his baby!! Psych!!! losers” is a reaction to how she is constantly accused of being pregnant. Especially of late with these photos:

• Like truly the comments were disgusting. Everyone was saying Travis needed to lose weight and Taylor was pregnant. Like show me you are so deeply unattached from what healthy and athletic human bodies look like. It’s foul and shows people are beyond delusional and disconnected. I would be writing lyrics like this too if people said this shit about me every day

• “Wait are we riding???” was exactly my reaction. RIP horse girls you would’ve loved this one

  

  @chappellsfanwatching hthaze react to taylor swift is one of my favorite hobbies fr #hthaze #hthazereacts #ttpd #taylorswiftttpd #butdaddyilovehim

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Fresh Out The Slammer:

• Harlequin core 

• Vibe change halfway through the song is so swag 

• The pause after “Sit on children” was slightly too long

• “You PAY this woman to sit on babies?!?!?”

Florida!!! (Feat. Florence + The Machine):

• Second weird line about babies? Sexy baby now this? What is going on

• I love headbanging music 🤘 hit the pedal heavy metal show me you care

• Spring break forevurrrrr 

•  NOT just a Suggestion of Florence™️. She is there

• 7 beats of drum that spell out F L O R I D A

• I wonder if “dolls” could be some sort of reference to Valley of the Dolls? Either the plot or even just drugs?? Interesting

Guilty as Sin?:

• Ok Lana Del Rey vibes at the start

• How people reacted to “I Can See You (Taylor’s Version) (From the Vault)” is how they should be reacting to this. Like I Can See You was SO tame and this one is much more intense so I imagine people are losing their minds over this

• Is she saying she is Jesus ??

• Religious trauma again

Who’s Afraid of Little Old Me?:

• One of the best ones!!!! A bop

• I like to scream 

• So true everything is about her 

• Psych ward slay 

• Saw a tweet that linked “Don’t worry folks, we took out all her teeth” and “You’ve got edge she never did” and I think that is a great observation

• Really giving “we are the daughters of the witches you could not burn”

I Can Fix Him (No Really I Can):

• Would slay as a country song

• OK love

• Sonically this is my favourite song on the whole album!!! I feel like not enough people are talking about it

• I think it was important she ended it with No Really I Can’t as to remind the youths not to think they can actually fix him…Good damage control

• no notes really good

loml: 

• MR STEAL YOUR GIRL WHY

• These trendy slang / pop references are so ill-fitting in the “quill” songs 

• She does this all the time. E.g. in Willow, “come back stronger than a 90’s trend” which was NOT called for, and earlier in Down Bad. Like she has this fantastic quality of being timeless and then for some reason she will go and use the most unhinged slang

• Same vibe as Lana Del Rey putting EMOJIS in her poetry book Violet Bent Backwards Under The Grass

• My first reactions to these instances have all been like…. ugh. But actually now I kind of love it because it’s hilarious

• LOSS OF MY LIFE wow ouch plot twist

I Can Do It With a Broken Heart:

• Grown up Mirrorball 

• And also You’re on Your Own Kid 

• We get one (1) time to shake our asses on this album and it’s this track

• Bejewelled energy

• Self-aware manic productivity queen

• The Bleachers are bleaching in this song

• “Whatever you can do I can do bleeding” wine mom energy but better

• “Lights, Camera, Bitch, Smile” is giving “3, 2, Swag” - Justin Bieber

• And also “Walk, walk, fashion, baby, work it, move that bitch crazy” - Lady Gaga

• Now they’re a trilogy <3
  

The Smallest Man Who Ever Lived: 

• Lol get wrecked 

• Incredible 

• Did Matty Healy own a gun 😭 he took the Robbers music video too far 

The Alchemy:

• I wanted this to be more like Long Live and Style combined but …. like wow we are superstars and cool and untouchable but it mostly focused on Travis… Which is like ok you’re allowed to do that but I would have loved it to be about THEM and less HIM

• I feel like this was like that trend on Tiktok when you say all your dog’s favourite words and they go crazy (Touch down!! Beer!! Blokes!! Friends!!)

• Travis googling “what does Alchemy mean” (me too tho)

• Very American (derogatory)

• Katie (certifed swiftie) said it reminds her of “Travy made it to the big game” which is an AI generated Taylor Swift song that is SO REALISTIC I’m dying

  

  @princesstaylor_1989SO HAPPY THAT MY TRAVY MADE IT TO THE BIG GAME 🏈 // #taylorswift #taylor #swiftie #swifttok #fyp #foryoupage #fyppppppppppppppppppppppp

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Clara Bow:

• In preparation for this I listened to Shameless’ podcast on Clara Bow’s life and I highly recommend, it’s very sad and kind of giving the 7 Husbands of Evelyn Hugo (although I am only halfway through the book I feel like that’s an accurate assessment.)

• Also rumours that Clara’s bestie Tui was secretly in love with her??? and Tui was from New Zealand. Obviously loads of comparisons to draw between Taylor and Clara including:

• 1. Being the it girl of the time

• 2. Being adored for their beauty, fun personalities and talent

• 3. Being hated for their beauty, fun personalities and talent (aka getting Womaned™️)

• 4. Having a suspected secret gf

• 5. Being criticised for having 1 million boyfriends even though…yolo

• Apparently she didn’t ask the family of Clara Bow if she could write this which is a bit random

• I think the point of this one is just like she is being compared to Clara Bow, new stars will be compared to her

• Reminds me of Marina and the Diamonds lyric about constantly being compared to other artists:

  

• THIS is the best interpretation of the song I have seen:

  

  @yjackitsThe only time i’ll be posting non YJs edit 🙏 ||| #clarabow #stevienicks #taylorswift #oliviarodrigo

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• Alicia (certified swiftie) also showed me this Tiktok edit of all of Taylor’s opening acts / younger stars (Gracie Abrams, Sabrina Carpenter, Olivia Rodrigo) and I also like this idea

  

  @eminently13i am unwell after listening to the album #TTPD #clarabow #gracieabrams #sabrinacarpenter #oliviarodrigo #taylorswift #thetortuedpoetsdepartment #tsttpd

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• Janhavi (certified swiftie and host of listening party) described it as a mix of the Lucky One and Nothing New and that is so correct

• Britney Spears Lucky energy too

The Black Dog:

• Ok Olivia Rodrigo ?? Who’s copying who now 

• All American bitch energy with the sudden 🤘 🤘🤘🤘

• Depression metaphor? Like Black Dog by Andy Bull

• Waiting for the internet to swiftiesplain this one to me

imgonnagetyouback:

• Ok Olivia Rodrigo AGAIN

• I would be so mad about this!! “Get Him Back” like just came out 5 minutes ago and I feel like that play on words / concept was really unique.

• I love Taylor but I clearly am still bitter about her suing Olivia Rodrigo for essentially no reason as an up and coming artist. Some TikTok comments I agree with:

  

The Albatross:

• Ivy, Safe and Sound vibes 

• Probably about that famous French poem, The Albatross. Here is me being lazy and googling what it means instead of having a critical thought

  

Chloe or Sam or Sophia or Marcus: 

• Ok one fish two fish red fish blue fish rhyme scheme I see you 

• Last Kiss vibes (just in terms of sound) ?? (me when hearing any sort of piano lol)

• Also don’t have a lot to say about this one… I have turned to Genius for help:

• This would make sense Re: Matty Healy and the themes in “Somebody Else,” “If You’re Too Shy Let Me Know” and generally in “A Brief Inquiry into Online Relationships”

How Did It End?:

• A great reminder we are constantly invading her privacy and a nice reality check

• Ppl are like vultures picking at a carcass 

So High School: 

• Bars

• YOU KNOW HOW TO BALL, I KNOW ARISTOTLE

• FUNNIEST THING I’VE EVER HEARD IN MY LIFE

• She’s gone from calling Joe poor to calling Travis a himbo

• Kind of thematically giving “Video Games” by Lana Del Rey if it was much much much worse

• Reminder that at the end of the day she is a certified comedienne (lest we forget London Boy) and it is actually so crack up

• can Travis even read 

• “Next time I see you, giving you a high five, cuz hugs are overrated just FYI” level of comedy

• “Touch me while your bros play Grand Theft Auto” ….. 🤨 🤮 noooooooo

• Actually so camp I kind of loved it

I Hate It Here:

• Beautiful

• One of my faves for sure

• “Seven” energy

• I feel like this one is really honest and doesn’t play it off as a joke/lol/rofl like “I Can Do It With a Broken Heart” does. Very refreshing actually !!

• Reminds me of Secret Life by Lana Del Rey and Bleachers

• Sorry that so much of this is just me saying the songs remind me of other songs
  

thanK you aIMee:

• Everyone thinks this is about Kim but to me this is about someone from her high school who made fun of her / bullied her and now gets paid to write gossip headlines about her essentially? To me this is about someone from her past who had the same mean girl energy as Kim so she’s lumped them together

• Because I thought Vigilante Shit was about Kim and they’d made peace?? forgive me if my lore is incorrect

• “My momma don’t like you and she likes everyone”

• Like it is such a mum thing to do to be like “I don’t like that girl in your class”

  

• More evidence: the same person she is talking about in the Tis the Damn Season bridge reference?

  

• Deeply deeply slayful 

• Extremely huge fuck you 

• Aimee found dead in Nashville 

I Look in People’s Windows: 

• When she said “I spied the catch in your breath” I 100% thought she said Ice Spice

The Prophecy:

• Why do famous people who went to great lengths to be famous always have existential crises about why they are famous

• Religious imagery again 

• She wolf awoooooooo

• I hate the word “greige” (grey and beige together smh)

• Reminds me of the message of Mood Ring by Lorde, like rich white women paying loads of money to get their tarot read and go on spiritual retreats in Bali to feel something

• Eg:

Cassandra:

• Blood’s thick but nothing like a pay roll !!!! Wow

• Reminds me of Lucy Gray in the Hunger Games with the snakes… Great imagery

• Obviously connected to myth of Cassandra, being “a person whose valid warnings or concerns are disbelieved by others”

• Literally the plot of Encanto (We Don’t Talk About Bruno) hahaha

Side note: the Youtube video that this screenshot came from is called “This Woman's Singing Made The Venomous Snakes Calm Down And Not Bite Her” which is so fucking funny #notclickbait

Peter: 

• Peter Pan 

• Boring but growing on me

The Bolter:

• My first and only thought about this was that it must be about Amy March from Little Women and then I saw this TikTok and I am so glad other people made this for me because I do not have the skills to

  

  @bridez42Amy March as The Bolter 🤍 #tsttpd #thebolter #taylorswift #ttpd #littlewomen #amymarch #laurie #florencepugh #timotheechalamet #supercut #fanedit @Taylor Swift @Taylor Nation

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Robin:

• Talking utter nonsense is about right

• Originally I thought she said “autumn nonsense” which kind of slays harder rip

• Same vibe as Harry Styles songs where it feels like he just threw a dart at some random words and rolled with it. “Hash brown, egg yolk. I will always love you” core

• Is this literally about Tigger from Winnie the Pooh 😭

• Dinosaurs mentioned

The Manuscript: 

• Why was he not a donor.

• This man sounds unbearable 

• Really feels like abstract thought or prose she is just reading out 

• Dear Reader vibes in terms of breaking the 4th wall and talking to fans (have seen people refer to Dear Reader as a prequel to this album)

• I love how she views it like she’s given her heartbreak and stories to her fans, a life of their own. I swear there’s a video of her at the Eras tour saying she can play sad/painful songs because they’re not “hers” anymore and the fans have made them their own (e.g All Too Well, Champagne Problems) but I can’t find it but please imagine that inserted here

• 31 songs and 31 backwards is 13! wow

Whole Album Final Comments:

• So pastel soft grunge Marty Healy robbers core Tumblr 2014

• Here is a screenshot of my own Tumblr from this time period that sums it up (I literally randomly picked March 2014 and screenshotted the first things that came up and it’s so on the nose it’s not funny) (especially the double matty reblogs)

  

• Drugs death clowns weddings smoke alcohol demons funerals depression etc was the overall vibes and I respect it

• I think this might become one of my fave albums of hers (my current faves are Folklore and Evermore)

• Feels a bit random and cobbled together at times but I love when artists get big enough that they start making music for them and not for other people so I really really enjoyed this and think all artists should do this kind of thing, it’s really fun
  

Top 5: (so far)

• I Can Fix Him (No Really I Can)

• Who’s Afraid of Little Old Me

• I Hate It Here

• I Can Do It With a Broken Heart

• Down Bad

  Please comment your own thots & feelings, love you bye xxxx

For more of my writing:

For more of me saying whether things are good or bad, but edible:

Yours truly,

Bryer Oden <3 xoxo